Confused and me

Why is it when I can accept people for who and what they are ..people cant do the same for me. Why is the way I do this is wrong? The way I walk is wrong, the way I dress is wrong.. the way I talk is wrong..why is it I must do everything to please others and at the end of the day what ever I wear, talk and do is not me. Why is it so when it comes to my family….or shall I say my relatives..why can they just except me for who I am.

I just feel so complete and feel the real me when I am with my friends…..let it be my school, college or working colleagues for the matter they will all say what a clown I am..how much I make them laugh..i love that me…

I hate the person I am when I am at home..i am a grumpy person at home..i don’t want to smile…don’t feel like smilling what more laugh……I just dislike the notion of being home…I just miss my mum so much…although it has been six soon to be seven years now ..i still miss her very dearly…..there isn’t a day that passes by without me thinking what would my life be like if she was around…I know I have to move on and I have…but its just that I don’t have anyone to talk to when I am down..i was never close with my dad. though things have improved now after my mum’s death yet I try my best to avoid talking much with my dad as I and he never see eye to eye and its best for me to stay away from him in order to avoid any form of quarrelling and heart breaks

I know my friends are always there for me. but how much only can I bug them when it turns out to be a daily affair…last time it only used to be during the semester break as during college my friends would keep me happy or in keeping them happy and making them laugh with all my silly doings and jokes I too will be happy..but now days its become a daily affair..perhaps its just a phase in my life that I am facing like what Mr.Erikson says perhaps I am facing the intimacy versus isolation stage of my life and I am so in the second category( well not like it matters anyway…and that not the point here)..the point here is why am I like this la….to those of you who know me well..do u think I am aiming for and trying hard to book a place in TR(Tanjung Rambutan not Harapan ah…)or will u all to be feeling the same thing if u were to live where I am living…I don’t know la..m I over doing things…


Aiyoo sorry for confusing u all la…imagine how confused and disturbed I am inside la…miss u all la…..