Am I home?

What’s the true meaning of a home actually, I wonder? Isn’t a home suppose to be a place everyone of us would be looking forward to coming back too, place where we would all love and always want to be. But why for me it isn’t. too me the more away I am from home the more better I feel. the more I stay away from home the more I will love and care for the people who live in my home. I just don’t like coming. Why must I come back when no one here talks to me. No one does understand me. To them everything that I do and say is wrong.

I basically miss my mum so much. its only now that I feel the emptiness without her. although iyt has been six over years now I only realize and feel it now as before this I always had my college friends there for me whenever I was down. They were always there for me. I lived with them and till today I know no matter how far they are from me they understand me best(after my mum). They know all my secrets and they know the real me. They know many things about me that my own family doesn’t. No one knows me better than them. No one. (no offense to my other friends but I lived with these people under one roof and we know what each other think and feel about something. We know each others positive and negative points. )

But now that we all away I can’t be bugging them always. We all have our own lives to lead. I just feel so lonely. I miss them so much. So far it has only been four months since I didn’t meet them and yet I feel that it has been years. I miss all the times I spent together with them. Especially Jia Wen, Linesh and Melwin. These three people are the people who I miss the most. I miss all the times that we spent in Bayu Tasik and I also miss the times that we didn’t.

I still remember how we washed the house on the first day that we were there.
I still remember how Linesh left me all alone and ran to call Jia Wen when she heard someone calling for her by the window and I followed her carrying the dishwashing sponge in my hand and the person who was calling us was none other than iRwan.
I also remember how we all used to look like when we had an assignment due the next day and how Jia Wen used to insist on drawing an owl that looked like a penguin or was it the other way around,
I also remember the time when we felt a tremor and I taught I my BP was low ..and when we finally realized what was wrong and tried waking Linesh up she taught we were lying as we wanted her to watch Dr. Vasu who was on tv and to make things worst we did not even bother about our neighbours,.
I still remember how we shared a bottle of vodka and ended up getting drunk the next day…how pathetic we were,
I also remember the time when we used to scare all our neigbours away when ever we opened our house door,
I also remember how Melwin use to pump ( no dirty and negative taught please) her air bag and we used to laugh at her,
I also remember all the times that we used to talk in our rooms moving from one room to another
I remember the times when some of our friends suspected that Jia Wen, Linesh and I were lesbians…how narrow minded some people were….why can’t girls don’t have boy friends and just be close with each other
I also remember the fainting spells that Linesh used to have,
I still remember Mel’s glow in the dark t-shirt,
Also the times when we didn’t sleep the whole day as were doing our assignments and the next day when we go to class. I will be as blur as ever, Jia Wen will be hyper active after her coffee, Linesh will be sleepy and Melwin will be slightly better than me. Not as blur as me I mean,
I also remember all the times that we used to have our quarrels too but I guess that were the things that made us closer and understand each other better,
I also remember how the lecturers used to avoid calling us at a certain time as they knew we would all be sleeping- that famous we were,
Also not to forget all the crazy times we spent outside Bayu Tasik,
Like the time Linesh ran and bang into the door so hard…even today when I think about it I laugh out aloud…and for laughing at her I too did the same mistake once( its Karma I guess like what Jia Wen says) ,
Also all the times i used to fall..like in KLCC,
I miss all those times,
I will do anything to have all those times back especially the times that we used to spend chatting with each other,
I miss them all.

Basically I am missing my mum and all my friends so much. I love the home in Bayu Tasik that I lived in. The home in which everyone understood me and excepted me for who i am and not who I was supposed to be. The home that was filed with both laughter as well sadness at times. A home in which i could share my feelings with anyone. A home in which I had people to talk too. A home in which i could say anything and laugh anyway i wanted too without being commented.A home that i looked foward to go back too. A home in which i was me. That was home…now am I home I wonder?