Confused and me

Why is it when I can accept people for who and what they are ..people cant do the same for me. Why is the way I do this is wrong? The way I walk is wrong, the way I dress is wrong.. the way I talk is wrong..why is it I must do everything to please others and at the end of the day what ever I wear, talk and do is not me. Why is it so when it comes to my family….or shall I say my relatives..why can they just except me for who I am.

I just feel so complete and feel the real me when I am with my friends…..let it be my school, college or working colleagues for the matter they will all say what a clown I am..how much I make them laugh..i love that me…

I hate the person I am when I am at home..i am a grumpy person at home..i don’t want to smile…don’t feel like smilling what more laugh……I just dislike the notion of being home…I just miss my mum so much…although it has been six soon to be seven years now ..i still miss her very dearly…..there isn’t a day that passes by without me thinking what would my life be like if she was around…I know I have to move on and I have…but its just that I don’t have anyone to talk to when I am down..i was never close with my dad. though things have improved now after my mum’s death yet I try my best to avoid talking much with my dad as I and he never see eye to eye and its best for me to stay away from him in order to avoid any form of quarrelling and heart breaks

I know my friends are always there for me. but how much only can I bug them when it turns out to be a daily affair…last time it only used to be during the semester break as during college my friends would keep me happy or in keeping them happy and making them laugh with all my silly doings and jokes I too will be happy..but now days its become a daily affair..perhaps its just a phase in my life that I am facing like what Mr.Erikson says perhaps I am facing the intimacy versus isolation stage of my life and I am so in the second category( well not like it matters anyway…and that not the point here)..the point here is why am I like this la….to those of you who know me well..do u think I am aiming for and trying hard to book a place in TR(Tanjung Rambutan not Harapan ah…)or will u all to be feeling the same thing if u were to live where I am living…I don’t know la..m I over doing things…


Aiyoo sorry for confusing u all la…imagine how confused and disturbed I am inside la…miss u all la…..

Dreams......

I am no Helen to launch a thousand ships,
Nor am I Newton to find gravity,
I am no Shakespeare to write Romeo and Juliet,
Nor am I Mahatma to fight for freedom,
I am just a simple girl,
With simple dreams,
Yet -
Hoping to make it big!

A Thanks on my birthday

Today as most of u all know i offically turned 24. WOW thats getting old rite...but when i turn back n see i realised how much have i missed and am missing in life. Now that i am working my student life is over. A students life in U or in coll is considered to be one of the best momments in life foe many people. Even for me thank to my wonderful frens that i have..who i miss very dearly now that i have not seen them in a month..

life as a teacher is okay..people say and think its a half day's job thus its an easy job...well for those of you who say that all that i can say is...Each horse thiniks that the bag that its carrying is heavier than the other horses...think about it and interpret it urselves la...

i really miss all my frens...life without them its not the same...if i have a prob i dun have anyone to talk too or to share it wit...although i live in a house that is filled with people most of the time yet i feel lonely...so lonely like i am in this world all alone( which i think i so very true)..

i miss u all guys and gals..miss every momment that we had spent together..wish to see u all again n talk to u all...n thanks to u all for making my life and telling me there is a reason to be alive...but now i dun see why i shud...

miss u all, looking foward to see u all in the near future....

A new teachers dilemma

GOD I cant believe its been two weeks since I started my working life and I am one of the very lucky people who have the opportunity to go back to school even after I graduated from the University.

When I started of as a teacher trainee I had all these dreams that I wanted to make a difference in the country and produce 100% good students…its only now that I realize how tough can that be….especially when the children and kids come from place and families that are not so privileged as we are…Yes after teaching I realize how privileged I am compared to the kids that I teach…

Now all the thing that runs in my head is how to help this kids learn, at least how to communicate and have the interest to study and come up in life…how am I suppose to make them aware of the importance on the education …as to most of the kids education is the only way that can help them come up in their life’s…

Now I realize a teachers job is more than just teaching its about loving and helping…its extremely sad and devastating to us teachers when we teach a certain topic for one whole week and when w ask the pupils about it they are all blank. they look at us as if we are aliens…can you imagine how our BP will go buzzing when we find out the kids don’t even know half of what we have been teaching them for the past week……leaving that a side what about all the kids that misbehave at school…what do we say for them…yes teachers are supposed to be patient. no doubt about that but how patient can we be…we are humans to wee too make mistakes and loose our heads…we are not GOD to be always patient and when a teacher happens to punish a kid for misbehaving what do the parents do…they blame and say many interesting things to the teachers….well my question to this parents are “ don’t you punish or hit your kids ;you do rite and you say its for their own good…then why do you scold the teachers who do that. Don’t you think the teacher who we consider as a parent at school has a reason at the back of his/her action. Don’t you think the teacher is punishing the kids as she cares and ones the kids to improve? No teacher is mad to simply punish the kid…remember that the teacher also cares… and parents ..i am sure most of you have been punished by your teachers at one point of time in your life and don’t you think that made you a better person…that teacher taught you something and made you, you…then why pamper your children. And make the teachers afraid of the kids instead of the kids afraid of the teacher…

Well this are just a hand few of the problems that i am about to face...well adulthood is beggning...welcome to my life...

SUPERHERO!!!!!

Who is a hero actually?
Is it Superman who flies and rescues people,
Or
Is it the stranger who smiles at you on the road,
Who is a hero actually?
Is it batman who users his powerful car to save Gotham city,
Or
Is it the person who makes you laugh when you are down.
Who is a hero actually?
Is it Spiderman who users his spider powers to climb walls,
Or
Is it the person who just simply listens to all your problems.
Who is a hero actually?
Is it Iron Man who users his suit and gadgets to save people,
Or
Is it the person who helps a blind man cross the road.
Who is a hero actually?
Is it the Hulk, who is so huge, green and strong,
Or is it just
The simple person beside you who hugs you when you need a hug.
Who is a hero actually?

Well-
Superman, batman, spiderman, iron man and the hulk
Are all heroes,
But you-
You who smile,
You who make people laugh,
You who care for others,
You who are they to listen,
You who are there to hug,
You my friend are
A SUPERHERO!!!!!!

by Viloshena Ravandran

Without that special someone...

Well nearly a week ago, I read this article about a girl who was graduating but was not happy about it as her mum was not around to witness her graduating.

I too often used to and still do think to myself “Yes, what’s the use of me graduating with flying colours when the person who matters and would appreciate it most is no longer here”.

Well there is no denial that I miss my mum so much and no matter what I do I will never be able to see her again. I just wonder how my life will be if she were to be alive.Will I be in the same profession, will I be a more independent and confident person, will my lifestyle be different, will I be more peaceful, will I be more happy, would I have found someone, will I be able to be and more of will I be’s but one thing for sure I will be much better off.

No matter what its nothing and no one can be like your mum. I just miss her so much. When I used to be in the university and college I used to miss the fact that when ever I used to come back, there was no one who would greet me at the door and ask me how my day or week was, even until now no one does. I miss her so much. Even the way she speaks and smiles. She just understood every bit of me without me having to say a word. And now that she is not here I look at other people with their mums and think and dream of how my life would have been if she was alive. How exciting it would have been as I have now reached the stage in which parents would be a child’s best friend and I have lost mine long before. There are many things that I would want to tell her, there are many things that I am suffering from and can’t tell anyone ( besides my friends who I am going to loose soon). No one understands me at home. I am like an outcast……

There are so many things I would just want to tell her…many things that she suffered from once and I am suffering from now. The same things. Although my mum did tell me to talk to my dad about my problems….but how am I to do so when my dad has already got his fair share of family problems and health problems too…I don’t want to burden him even further…for now I will find solace in my friends…but in a few months time when they are all distances apart…I will be so lonely and just like my friends who will be waiting for the day to go back home and see their mum …so will I be waiting for my mum to take me home….

p/s: as usual and like I always say to all my friends out there….pls appreciate everyone while they are around in this world- cause once you loose them you will never be able to wake up from it…especially your parents, cause no one can mean and want more good things for you in this life than them.

A PROMISE!

Often when I am devastated,
Often when I am down,
I wonder-
Why did I come back,
And -
Why do I keep coming back,
Then I remember,
I keep coming back,
Because of a promise.

A promise that I never made-
To my mum,
A promise that I
Will be there for
My dad,
My sister,
My brother-
And
My family.

A promise that I-
Will always be there for them,
Although-
They aren’t for me.

A promise that I will keep,
But-
I never made.

A promise,
That I will make,
When I meet my mum,
A promise ,
To be made,
In the presence of-
The ALMIGTHY himself!

By Viloshena Ravandran